Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Writing Impediment Blog

(For optimal humor value, read this out loud.)

Hi, my name ith THteven, and I have a writing impediment. Actually, it'th a lithp. I uthed to have a thpeech impediment. And I worked really hard to get rid of it. I thpent yearth with a thpeech therapitht. And finally I wath able to thay my eth'th perfectly. And then thomething crazy happened. All of a thudden, I could no longer write my eth'th! What the hell!? And I know what you are thinking. "Uh, dude, there ith an eth key right there. Jutht preth it." Believe me, if I could, I would! I don't know what happened! I jutht can't hit the eth key any more!

What really thuckth, ith that I worked tho hard to be able to thpeak normally, and now every thing we do ith textht bathed. I wath tho exthited when I got my firtht thell phone and I wath going to call my friendth. And they were like, "Jutht textht me." Why!? Why can't we thpeak to each other on the phone the way thell phoneth were meant to be uthed!? Thith ith tho fruthtrating!

And thith problem hath made it really difficult to get a job. Everyone wantth to thee your rethume. I went into an interview for a job ath a telemarketer. All I would have to do ith talk on the phone all day. But they athked me for my rethume. I thaid, "Can't I jutht tell you about the other jobth I've had?" But they inthithted that I give them my rethume. Ath thoon ath they thaw it they thought I wath an imbethile.

Not only can I not find a job, but I can't get any puththy! I've been trying to do the online dating thing, but it ith really hard to write a thexy perthonal ad when you can't type eth'th! Here'th an exthample. "THingle white male looking for a thexy theductrethth with a good thenthe of humor. Mutht love to have fun in the thun. "

Thith thuckth.


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