Monday, December 25, 2006

Last Gift Blog

When I was a kid my parents would always save one big gift for last and say "you know what Nate, I think the cat is stuck in the garage. Why don't you go out and get him?" And then I'd go to the garage and there would be an awesome gift. Well, this blog entry is sort of like that, except it could very possibly be a major let down. But Meowkaat, here is my answer to your tag.

3 Things I Want for Christmas
1. Peace on the Moon. I figure we're never going to get it here and eventually we'll be living on the Moon, so we might as well get off to a good start.
2. Good will towards Min. He's my nunchuck instructor.
3. 1000's of readers. Want to get me something for Christmas? Tell your friends about my blog.

3 Things I Don't Want for Christmas
1. A punch in the balls. I get that every year!
2. My two front teeth. That would make things crowded.
3. A Holiday sweater from Grandma.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006



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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Best Nate Smith Ever! Part 5

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls! Put your helmets on because it is time for another exciting edition of BEST NATE SMITH EVER! Today's challenger comes from Chico, California, which is Spanish for Boy, California. He sells homes for a living and goes by the name Real Estate Nate. Is he a better Nate Smith than me??? Let's find out!

First of all he is the first Asian Nate Smith I have ever come across. That's pretty cool. Maybe he's a real estate agent by day, and a ninja by night!!! I know, I know...assuming that he is an awesome ninja purely because of his race is stereotyping him and politically incorrect. But c'mon, I said he was a ninja, which is one of the coolest things ever! It's not like I said, "how come there isn't a camera around his neck?" or "woah, if you see this guy on the road, watch out!"

Now, Nate didn't answer my e-mail asking him to participate willingly in this contest. Probably because he's too busy selling houses. Or maybe it's because he really is a ninja and ninjas don't answer e-mails. They just kill you in your sleep. That's how they let you know they got your message. Taking that into consideration, I don't think I'm going to sleep for the next few nights, just in case.

I have no real evidence that Nate is a ninja, but if he is, saying that I am better than him would be a real taboo. Ninjas have pretty big egos. If I were to say that I am better than Real Estate Nate, he would most likely kill me. But he wouldn't just kill me. He would first sell me a house, one that is way out of my price range, and then kill me in it on the day that the deal closed. That would be costly and deadly. A double whammy. So I'm going to go ahead and say that this Nate Smith is indeed better than me. Not because I believe it, but because I value my life (which I secretly think is better than his).

The Best Nate Smith Ever! World Rankings






Friday, December 15, 2006



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Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Adventures of Nunchuck Nate: Episode 2


Nunchuck Nate was diligently working on his newest special ninja move, where he nunchucks his opponent with his right hand, and kicks them with his left leg (virtually unstoppable), when suddenly his beeper went off.

"The Chuck Signal!" Nate exasperated. He did a back flip to where his nightstand was and grabbed his beeper. It was the Commissioner. "Justice needs me!" Nate ran up the stairs to call him back. Upstairs Nunchuck Nate's Grandpa was using the only phone in the house to order cheap prescription drugs from Canada. "Grandpa! I need to use the phone!"

"This is a long distance call you lil' whipper snapper. Soon I'll be dead and you can make as phone calls as you want!" Shouted Grandpa.

"You're making Justice cry, Grandpa!" Nate yelled as he bolted out of the house. Nate had to find a payphone and fast! He ran to the corner of the street to where his usual payphone was. This time, it wasn't there. "What!?" Nate exclaimed. An old homeless guy sitting on the curb cackled at Nunchuck Nate.

WHAM! Nate Nunchucked the man's head clean off, then he sprinted down the street in desperate pursuit of a payphone. Why wasn't his usual payphone there? Why hadn't he seen any payphones anywhere? What was going on? And then Nate saw the answer to all his questions. There, in the strip mall, was a new store. GLOBILE MOBILE, a giant cell phone emporium. Nate's beeper shook nervously as he entered the store.

"Welcome to Globile Mobile, how can I make your day?" said an overly friendly employee.

"I need to use a phone."

"Well we have plenty of phones here. Let me start by asking you how many minutes you'll be needing."

"I'm just going to need it for 2 minutes," said Nate.

"Okay, well our smallest plan includes 15,000,000 minutes a month, and of course that is with a 2 year agreement."

"No, I just need it for 2 minutes, right now. Justice is waiting!" Nate was getting impatient and his nunchuck was starting to itch.

"Well I'm sorry but these phones are for sell, I can't let you use one until you buy it."

"How about this, I'll trade you this nunchuck for a phone."

"What? We don't really take ninja weaponry as currency..."

WHAM!!! Nate walloped the employee and took his phone. He dialed 1-800-JUSTICE. The Commissioner answered.

"Nunchuck Nate, thanks for calling me back."

"When Justice calls, you answer. It's a lot like nature in that way," replied Nate. "What hideous crime am I preventing today Commissioner?"

"Actually...none. Nate you've done such an effective job of fighting crime in this city, that there are literally no more jobs for you. Our budget is tight, and without any real crime out there, we can't justify keeping you on the payroll. I'm sorry." The Commissioner hung up. Nate paused a really long time. Then he set the phone on the counter, and nunchucked it. Nate sadly wallowed out into the street and walked home. What would he do now? Nate would have to find a real job.

To Be Continued...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Merry Christmas

Grandma sent me a new Christmas Sweater!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

5 Reasons for buying Keystroke Capture Software

I've decided I want to purchase a new software from It is called keystroke capture and it is really rad. Here are my top 5 reasons for buying this software.

1. If Tom Cruise repels through my air ducts and steals my top secret files, I'll be able to see what he stole.

2. If I pass out and my head lands on my keyboard, I'll be able to find out what files I accidentally deleted.

3. I can monitor my cat's use of my computer.

4. After drunken IM sessions, Mark Foley can find out what he asked that under-aged page to do.

5. Now I can find out what my sister is writing about me in her e-diary.

Do me a favor and check the site out by clicking on the link above.

DEQ blog

My first attempt at a video blog. I'll keep the written blogs coming, but I'm gonna start throwing these in there as well. Let me know what you think.

DEQ blog

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Friday, December 08, 2006


Attention Christmas Shoppers! It is time for Nate's Awesome Gift Ideas! (C'mon, Nate can't you think of a better title than that?) Today's awesome gift idea comes from

Let me tell you why I like I have a lot of hobbies. One of those hobbies is people watching. Late night people watching. Late night people watching through windows. That's why I love these radical ATN night vision goggles. I'll tell you what, when I am crouched behind my favorite people watching bush, there is no other goggle I want strapped to my head than these bad boys. The straps are black which matches my people watching outfit perfectly. The only thing that I'm upset about this offer is that the clear head is not included.

But people watching is not my only hobby. I am also an avid butt kicker and crime fighter. Jack Bauer is one of my biggest heroes. And that is why I absolutely must have these Bushnell 2x24 Prowler Night Vision Waterproof Monoculars. Now I can see crime and butt coming a mile a way and then fight and/or kick it accordingly.

I'm also an avid hunter. My favorite thing to hunt is homeless people. Of course I always want to shoot them from pretty far away because of their smell. That's why I use the rifle scopes at Check them out! This one is my favorite. It's the Leupold Mark 4 CQ/T 1.3x14mm close Quarter/Tactical Rifle Scope. The name just rolls off your tongue, doesn't it?

These awesome vision enhancing gifts, and much much more are all available at You can find an enormous selection of holiday gifts – the best brand name Telescopes, Microscopes, Spotting scopes, Digital Camera Scopes & Binoculars, Rifles Scopes, Red Dot Sights, Pocket Monoculars, binoculars, rangefinders, radar guns, sunglasses, goggles, flashlights etc Discount pricing, FREE UPS on orders over $29.95.

Chuck Norris' Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

As usual I have not just been good, I have been extremely awesome this year. My radicalness has been rather excessive and I'm almost afraid that I am too good for my own good. But whatever, I can handle it. As you know, I am not sending you a Christmas wish list. This is a Christmas list of demands. Meet my demands, or I will meet you in an icy back alley in the North Pole and then I'll make every little kid's fear come true. Got it?

My Christmas List of Demands:
1. An Osama Bin Laden Punching bag.
2. A Texas Ranger Star Badge Shining Kit. I used my star to slit a man's throat.
3. A rocket ship so I can fly to the moon. I'm sure there's some bad guys up there.
4. A baby. I've always wanted a boy of my own so I can name him Crawler, Texas Ranger.
5. My own theme park like Dolly Pardon has. I'll call it Chuck Island.
6. A musical written about my life. And it will have the greatest kick line ever.
7. A new Christmas tie. I used my last one to strangle a man.
8. Help my new book "Kicking Bad Guys for Dummies: An Idiot's Guide to Stopping Evil Doers with Your Foot," get to the top seller list.
9. A new pair of boots. I shoved my last pair up a bad guy's ass.
10. World Peace...oh wait, I'll handle that one.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Stephen Colbert's Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,
Well, it's been kind of a weird year. First I get the greatest gift of all; my own TV show. Then I get the biggest lump of coal possible when the Democrats took control of the Senate and the House. What gives Santa? I always knew you were just a commercialistic A-Hole who simply lives and breathes to make the baby Jesus cry. First you crash his Birthday party and make it all about you, and now you are giving the Democrats an early Christmas. Thanks for nothing, Nick.

Well this year I am going to take the War on the War on Christmas one step further. Not only will I refuse to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas", when I pronounce "Christmas" I will no longer say "Chris mas". That sounds too much like I am honoring you, Kris Kringle. From now on I am going to be saying "Merry CHRIST-mas" and really emphasise the Christ. Because CHRIST-mas has nothing to do with you pal. You are nothing more than a liberal pine tree hugging hippy, spreading joy and gayness, to the far left. Oh sure, you wear all red, but you live in the North Pole so I am sure your blood is as blue as a smurf. Vanity Smurf. so this year, I don't care how many times you check up on me. I am not going to be nice to you. Santa Claus, you are dead to me.

-Stephen Colbert

Monday, December 04, 2006

Beef of Fish 2: Revenge of the Comments

Several people have commented that they felt the Beef of Fish? should have addressed what kind of beef Fish have, as opposed to which fish is the beef of the fish world. Since Nate is a Blog is a democracy (when I feel like it) I have decided to comply with your wishes. So here is "Beef of Fish?" for the people, by Nate Smith.

Beef of Fish?

Many people would like to believe that Fish live a stress free life under the sea, swimming around happily all day long without a worry in the world. This simply is not true. Fish are acutally very angst filled creatures. Don't let Disney fool you with its fairy tale version of life under the sea, where everything's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me. The water world is a very annoying place to be, and Fish have a lot of pet peeves. But what is the biggest Beef of Fish? Dolphins!

Fish and Dolphins have been at odds for centuries. First there was the common misconception among man that Dolphins were Fish. This really annoyed the Fish. Dolphins are not Fish, they are aquatic mammals. Basically, they are spies from the land. It's like the mammals said, "Hey, what the heck do you think those fish are doing? I don't trust them. Somebody should dress up like them and go keep tabs on them." And so Dolphins became the CIA of the mammal world. And that is pretty fitting because Dolphins are really really intelligent. So smart in fact, that men decided there is no way they could be Fish. Fish are way too dumb. These Dolphins must be some sort of different kind of animal. This pissed the Fish off even more. And of course there was Flipper, the so called "King of the Sea." What a pompous ass! And then as if that weren't enough, the Dolphins started sucking up to humans. Everyone knows that when humans come under water and try to swim with the Fish, it is a rule that the Fish have to scatter as quickly as possible making it very difficult to get good pictures. But do Dolphins do this? No! Dolphins swim WITH the humans. They let the humans touch them and hold onto them. And they swim next to their boats doing all sorts of tricks. Mammal tricks. And now other Fish are starting to follow the Dolphin example and swim with humans instead of scattering. People are starting to think that Fish are easy to find and that just anyone can swim with them. That's why the Fish had to make an example of somebody, and show the world that Fish are not just an underwater tourist attraction. So the Fish got together and chose a sacrifice. Steve Erwin. But don't blame the Fish for that. They didn't want to do it. The Dolphins pushed them to it. You did this Dolphins! Steve Erwin's death is on your bottle nosed head!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Bestest Blog by Nate Smith EVER!

Well, the results are in and for December 4th, 2006, according to Lizza and Bobby Griffin, my blog was the Best Blog of the Day! Don't believe me? Check it out at The Bestest Blog of All-Time. Now I know what you are saying, "How can a blog that calls itself the Bestest Blog of All-Time review other blogs and call them the bestest blog of a certain day? Aren't those days included in the realm of 'All-Time'? What the hell is going on!!!!" I understand your confusion and frustration, but then again, this blog is called "Nate is a Blog," and I am clearly not a blog, but rather a person who writes a blog. So let's cut them some slack.

Lizza wrote some really nice things about this blog in her review. That leads me to one conclusion: She is chemically inbalanced. This just goes to show that you should never drink and blog. Lizza, seek help. You have a problem.

Pamela Anderson's Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a very good girl this year. Please don't believe the tabloids and all the lies they are spreading about me. I have been busy bringing joy and happiness to the men of America all year long. And what do I get in return? A divorce. That's not fair. Talk about an unexpected turn of events, right?

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about a new charity that I started for the Christmas season. You know how they have Toys for Tots? The charity where people donate Toys to needy children? I'm not sure what Tater Tots have to do with it, but it does sound cute. Anyway, my charity is called Tits for Tots. It's a charity for child actresses who aren't talented enough to make it in the acting world on their own merit. I have gotten celebrities to donate new and used breast implants for these needy children. First of all, I think that definitely puts me on the Nice list. Second of all, I was wondering if you would donate to my cause. Do your elves make child sized breast implants? If not, are you interested in helping Mrs. Claus maximize her mammaries? If so, you know where to find me.

Yours Truly,


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