Wolverine Blog

This has been the most depressing week ever. And I didn't think it could get any worse! For about a month now I have been clinically depressed. With Dr. Xavier dead, and Jean Grey acting like a crazy bird and trying to fry my flesh off, I've really hit rock bottom. Finally, last week I just couldn't take it anymore and I decided to kill myself. Easier said than done. The first thing I tried was slitting my wrist. It's the most classic way to do it, and I thought it would give me time to reminisce over all the good times in my life before things went down the drain. Unfortunately my skin on my wrist just kept re-generating which would stop the bleeding. This was extremely frustrating. I began just furiously slashing at my wrists over and over but it wasn't helping at all.

Then I decided to shoot myself. I started off with a simple revolver. I guess that was kind of dumb. So I tried bigger and bigger guns. Each time, the hole in my head just sealed back up and I was completely fine. Finally I got a bazooka. Do you have any idea how hard it is to shoot yourself in the head with a bazooka? Kurt Cobain ain't got nothing on me. But unfortunately, not even that worked. My face completely re-generated. But my hair still doesn't look right.

The next thing I tried was jumping off of buildings. Each time I hit the ground I just got right back up. I kept looking for taller and taller buildings but nothing worked. I think I startled some window shoppers as I fell off a skyscraper, splatted right next to them, and then got up yelling "Dammit! Why can't I die!?!?!"

So anyway, I don't know what to do. Maybe I should start reading some of those self help books I saw in Cyclops' room. If you have any ideas on how I can effectively end my life, please post a comment.