Friday, September 15, 2006


I get a lot of questions here at the blog, so I thought I'd take a moment to answer them. I get a lot of different questions, but the ones below are some of the questions I get asked the most. Here they are in a segment I simply call "Frequently Asked Questions."

Q: Where do babies come from?
A: Okay, I get this one a lot, and I'm not sure why. I've been avoiding it for a while, but I'm finally going to answer it once and for all. And kiddies, I'm not going to hold any punches, so hold on. So here's what happens: There is a special wonderful land called baby land. In this land lives a special magical breed of storks. I'm not talking about the storks on the pickle jars. Those are the cousins of these storks, and they are much less magical than these storks. Anyway, when a Mommy is ready to have a baby, a magical stork from baby land flies to your house, and then impregnates your Mommy while your Daddy watches with a disgusted look on his face. But your Mommy loves it. Then 9 months later a baby pops out of her vagina.

Q: What is more magical, a Dragon or a Unicorn?
A: This is a very good question, and I am honored that you think I can even answer this. The truth is, Dragons are not actually as magical as most people give them credit for. Rather, Dragons are legendary. Unicorns on the other hand are the most magical creature to ever exist. A big distinction between the two creatures is that many a dragon has been slayed, while Unicorns are so magical that no one would ever even want to slay a Unicorn. A Unicorn could spear you straight through the chest and spin you around on his horn, and while you were spinning around with your blood and life gushing out of you, you would still say, "Isn't this Unicorn beautiful!" If Unicorns wanted to, they could take over the world, but they are so magical that they don't need to take over the world. But then again, maybe they have taken over the world and this is exactly how they want the world to be. GOD I LOVE UNICORNS!!!

Q: Are you gay?
A: No. Why do people keep asking me that?

Q: If a Pirate and a Ninja mated, what would be the result?
A: Okay, first of all I will assume that one of them would be a female. Otherwise the result wouldn't be very interesting, it would just be a little painful and kind of gross. In order for this to work, the ninja would have to be the female, because as soon as they were done mating the ninja would kill the pirate. Unfortunately for the pirate, he wouldn't have even known that anything had happened until it was too late and he was dead with an erection. But then the child of these two parents would be the greatest and most deadliest being of all time. It would have the ultimate cunning. It would learn to steer its pirate ship through the waters completely undetected. No one would live long enough to know its name and so it would only be known as Death. Okay now I'm scared. Let's never let a Pirate and a Ninja mate.

If you have any questions you would like to ask, please send them to


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