Sunday, September 10, 2006

Nature called during my lunch break

I sat down to start my lunch break today and suddenly I got an unexpected call. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: Hello?
Nature: Hey, it's me. Look, you gotta go, and you gotta go NOW.
Me: What? I just sat down to eat.
Nature: That doesn't matter. It's time.
Me: But I just heated up my pizza and it's all hot and ready for consumption.
Nature: You'll have to come back to it.
Me: But then it will get cold.
Nature: You can re-heat it.
Me: It's already a microwaved pizza. Re-heating a microwavable pizza is like getting sloppy seconds on a cheap hooker. You weren't proud of it in the first place, but now it's just gross.
Nature: Look, we don't really have time to argue about this. One way or another this is going to happen. The only question you have to answer is your place or mine?
Me: Can't you hold it off? I'll finish eating, and then you'll have more to work with.
Nature: That's the point, you can't take anymore. You've reached the limit.
Me: Well, can't I get an extension? I just need a little more time.
Nature: Who do you think I am? Think I'm new at this? When it's time, it is time!
Me: I could have used a little more warning. It would have been nice to have taken care of this before lunch.
Nature: I've been leaving you messages all morning, but you've been ignoring me.
Me: I've been busy.
Nature: I don't care how busy you are. When I call, you answer!
Me: How do I know this isn't another one of your prank calls? I answered your call the other day and was on the line for 10 minutes and NOTHING happened!
Nature: Oh yeah, that was pretty funny. You just kept waiting.
Me: Glad you thought it was so hilarious. My legs almost went completely numb.
Nature: Well, I'm sorry about that, but this time it's real. And it's now.
Me: Fine!

I hate it when Nature calls.


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