Monday, June 16, 2008

10 Machines I'd like to see as Transfomers in Transformers 2

Michael Bay and his goons are already hard at work on the sequel to the first Transformers movie. The first one was great because we got to see all the characters we had grown to love as children. But for this go around, I'd like to see some new characters emerge.

10 Machines I'd like to see as Transformers in the Sequel

1. Short Bus: An Autobot named Helmet.
2. Wrecking Ball Crane: This could be Optimus Prime's wife which he would refer to as his ol' Ball & Chain.
3. Claw Vending Machine AKA the Crane Game at Wal-Mart: This Autobot would have all sorts of useful weapons inside of him, but in order to get them out, the other Autobots have to play him.
4. Blackberry: This Decepticon would be the first legitimate iPhone killer.
5. Nintendo Wii Fit: This Decepticon would take the "slowly but surely" route to killing humans by tricking children into thinking they are working out until eventually all humans are fat blobs and we have no chance to defend ourselves.
6. Treadmill: I'm pretty sure treadmills already are evil robots set out to destroy us. See this video for proof.
7. Battery Charger: This would be another Decepticon that would trick you into thinking it is charging your precious batteries, and then when you need battery power the most, you've been Decepticonned!
8. Transformer (as in the power generator): "Transformer! More than meets the name!"
9. Stupid Japanese Trumpet Playing Robot: "Oh, that robot is's just playing the trumpet. It's not even actually playing the trumpet. It's just holding a trumpet to its face and emitting trumpet sounds from its speakers. Big deal....WAIT! IT TURNED INTO A BIGGER SCARIER ROBOT! OH GOD! IT'S KILLING EVERYONE!"
10. Al Gore: He is a robot...right?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Obama's Picks for VP

So according to this article at Barack Obama and his crack squad of strategirizers are discussing their top 20 possible choices for Obama's Vice President. Barack is keeping the list to himself which, if you ask me, is pretty elitist. Everyone is expecting an elite list (there he goes again!) of politicians. But I'd like to see Obama get a little more creative with his choice for VP. Here are my ideas.

10 People I Hope Barack Obama Chooses as Vice President

1. Bill Clinton: I'd like to see Barack's vindictive side come out by forcing the former first lady to now be the second lady.
2. Stephen Colbert: I put him on this list just hoping to get the "Colbert Bump."
3. Oprah: Let's spread the "everyone gets a car!" love around a little more.
4. Michael Jackson: Then people will stop saying Barack isn't black enough.
5. John McCain: It's hard to run for President when you're also running for Vice President against yourself.
6. Donald Trump: If Barack wants to shake up Washington, he's going to need someone on his side who knows how to say, "You're Fired!"
7. Osama Bin Laden: Maybe if they are standing next to each other West Virginians will finally realize they are not the same guy.
8. Christopher Walken: I'd just really love to hear him talk about taxes.
9. Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton: Hillary Clinton as VP would be annoying, but Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton as VP would be hillarious!
10. Dick Cheney: Sometimes you just need a guy who is willing to shoot people in the face.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

X-Rayted Security

I just read an article on that says 10 airports have installed new body scanner machines that are capable of seeing through people's clothing...for security reasons. This has raised a lot of questions, but my only question is where do I apply? For years the job of airport security has been considered one of the worst jobs ever. You sit in a dingy crowded airport regulating the traffic of angry rushing passengers for low pay. Not a lot of fun...until now! Leave your quarters at home because you get paid to watch this peep show. And don't be sheepish. You need to really scrutinize those body parts to make sure there isn't something dangerous in there.

I have a feeling the airport security's terrorist profile is going to change from middle eastern men to cheerleaders.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Are Wii Fit or are Wii Fat?

Video games have always given the children of America the chance to live out their fantasies in a digital reality. Whether they dreamt of being an italian plumber who could break bricks with his fist, a frog trying to cross a busy street, or simply a floating stick, video games made it happen. And now the makers of the Nintendo Wii are giving American children the chance to live out their wildest dream yet, the dream of being fit.

It's ironic really. Back in the days before video games, in order to live out their fantasies, kids had to play games outside. They would run around playing cops & robbers, or pretend to be captains of spaceships. Or they would play sports and make believe they were their favorite sports heroes. Back then kids were in shape.

Then video games came along. Suddenly kids could be whoever they wanted to be right in the comfort of their home with a plate of cookies within reach. It was video games that made the kids of America fat. And now that their biggest dream is to get fit, what's the solution?

Video games.

I sure hope Nintendo comes out with Wii Work* so these newly fit kids can get a job someday.

*Wii Work (copyright 2008 Nate Smith)

Twitterize your life

I recently jumped on the Twitter bandwagon. Now I am constantly telling my friends, and some strangers, what I am doing at all times. For those of you who don't know, is a social site where people can keep in quick constant contact with others by simply answering one question, "What are you doing?" It's kind of like when you are using an instant messenger program, or facebook or myspace, and it has that status message that tells everyone what you are up's just the status message and nothing else. It's complicated, I know.

Anyway, I've been keeping people updated on what I'm doing at all times, except there are some times when I don't want people to know what I am doing. For instance, when I'm throwing a fit because they put vegetables on my cheeseburger even though I expressly requested no vegetables on my cheeseburger, I don't tell people about that. So I realized I am selectively telling people what I am doing. I am giving people a false sense of who I really am, because I am only telling them about the good things I am doing. Then I realized I could take this one step further. Not only could I make people think I am a better person than I really am by not telling them about bad things I do, but I could make people think I am a really good person by telling them I'm doing really good things that I'm not actually doing. Because how would they know? It's twitter! There's no accountability here.

To follow my every fake action, go to


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