Friday, September 01, 2006

If I Had Nunchucks...

If I had nunchucks, the first thing I would do is stop combing* my hair. And then if anyone commented on my hair in a negative way, like "woah, someone's having a bad hair day." BLAM!!! Nunchuck to the nose. Then I'd say "Woah, someone's having a bad nose day."

There's a lot of things that would change in my life. For instance, "beware of dog" signs would never apply to me. In fact, I would insist that the dog owners put up a sign for their dog that says "Beware of man with nunchucks."

Also, there'd be no waiting in line. I'm not saying that I would attack the people in line. I'm just saying that whereever I go I will be swinging my nunchucks, and you're probably going to want to move.

There are some cons to having nunchucks, I will admit that. For example, my monthly light bulb cost will go way up because instead of simply turning off a lamp, I will nunchuck it off. I will also probably get knocked out a lot, because honestly, I have no idea how to use nunchucks.

But the pros outweigh the cons by far. One nice thing about owning nunchucks is that you are apart of an elite club. And much like bikers who pass each other on the road and wave, when two nunchuckers pass each other on a crowded sidewalk while swinging their nunchucks, they give a little nod as if to say "If ninjas attacked right now you would be safe, and I would be safe, but the rest of these suckers would be toast."

Yeah...if only I had nunchucks...

*I don't actually use a comb, but I am not comfortable using the phrase "styling my hair."


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