Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The Bourne Iterations

This Summer Matt Damon will be hitting the theaters hard with The Bourne Ultimatum, the third in the Jason Bourne series. The first two were The Bourne Identity and The Bourne Supremacy. Damon has claimed that this will be his last Bourne movie, but the studios would like to turn it into a franchise like the Bond films, using other actors to play the title role. Well the people over at Universal Pictures can rest a little easier now, because I have come up with 7 great Jason Bourne movie ideas (that way there will be 10 total films). I assume my check is in the mail.

1. The Bourne Bjorn:
Jason Bourne finds out he has child and is forced to fight against his assassins with a baby strapped to his chest. In one scene he disguises the baby as a bomb and threatens his enemies by saying "I have an explosive!" In the next scene Bourne changes his baby's diaper and says "Man, I didn't realize you were that explosive." Huge laughs from the audience.
2. The Bourne Again Christian: Jason Bourne finds Jesus...and kills him.
3. The Bourne Identity Crisis: Jason Bourne thinks that before he lost his memory, he was destined to be a stand up comedian. After killing a heckler by strangling him with his microphone chord, he realizes he is an assassin after all.
4. The Bourne To Be Wild: Jason Bourne and some new found assassin friends go on a life changing road trip!
5. The Bourne Being Born: A prequel to all the Bourne movies, which shows Jason Bourne fighting his way out of his mother's womb.
6. The Bourne Illegitimacy: Jason Bourne finds out that he is an illegitimate child.
7. The Bourne Yesterday: After sustaining a brutal head wound, Jason Bourne is reduced to the mental equivalent of a 4 year old. Hilarity ensues.


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