Friday, September 29, 2006


Using Google Analytics I can see what search terms people have used to find my blog via Google. I'm pretty sure my blog was not what they were looking for, but I hope they enjoyed it anyway. So far my favorite search term that has brought an unsuspecting visitor to my domain is 'CONCLUSION OF A PANDA BEAR.' Just like that all in upper case letters. It lead me to wonder what this googler was really looking for. I couldn't find anything that seemed to match this search term in a satisfactory manner. So here is my own version of...
by Nate Smith

LuLu the Panda Bear had lived a long and full life. Growing up in the forests of Tibet, LuLu had successfully avoided being poached by vicious and greedy hunters. She had many friends and many fun hobbies to keep her entertained. But one thing LuLu had never experienced was true love. She still waited patiently for her first kiss. But none of the male Panda Bears were interested. They all just wanted to be friends. Deciding to take a little bit of initiative, LuLu signed up for an online dating service called "Bear Naked." She was a little embarrassed by the title of the website, but still she filled out her profile, and then placed an ad on the site.

"SW&BF seeking SW&BM for good times and true love. Must have a good sense of humor and love astrophysics."

After a week of waiting, only one Panda Bear responded to her ad. Most Panda Bears would look at that as a bad thing. But not LuLu. She was such a positive thinker. She figured that this Panda Bear must be her one and only soul mate. She answered the response and set up a date with this Panda Bear. His name was Marky Mark (Not the rapper/actor/producer).

LuLu met Marky Mark at a Starbucks deep in the forests of Tibet. He was everything she had hoped for! He was gorgeous, had a great sense of humor, and loved astrophysics! LuLu thought this must be too good to be true. But they spent 2 hours at the Starbucks sipping the same Chai Tea through two bamboo straws. After the date, Marky Mark walked LuLu home. At her doorstep, he stopped and said, "I had a really good time LuLu. We should do this again sometime." LuLu agreed. Then he looked her right in the eyes and leaned in to kiss her.

Could it be? Was he really going to kiss her? Was LuLu the kind of bear that kissed on the first date? She didn't care. This was everything she had ever wanted. She had waited her whole life for this. And now it was finally here. She felt like a princess. She closed her eyes and leaned in for her first kiss...

BLAM! A bullet went through the right side of LuLu's head. A Poacher emerged from the brush and handed Marky Mark $200 as he left. The Poacher sold LuLu's fur for $30,000,000. And that was the


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