Wednesday, November 29, 2006

If I Was A Robot

If I was a robot, what kind of robot would I be?

First of all I have to decide if I would have legs, or tank style treads like Johnny Five. Actually, you know what, I don't have to decide. Because I will just have both. I will have legs, and on the bottom of my feet have treads, kind of like those shoes that all the kids wear these days. But no, I will not just wear those shoes...that's ridiculous. The reason I would have legs is so that I can sneak into the NBA. It would be pretty obvious that I was a robot if I didn't have legs.

My torso would have a computer/Nintendo Wii game console built right in. My belly button would project the screen onto walls. Built into my left wrist would be a universal remote. On my right wrist would be a cool watch.

For my hands, I have to decide if I want to go with the old fashioned two pronged crane hands, or the newfangled 5 fingered hand. I'm partial to the crane hand, so I'm going to go with that, but I will have 5 fingered attachments that I can slip on over the cranes for when I need to be more dexterous (and also for when I am sneaking into the NBA).

My left eye would be a camera that would record everything that I see. The recordings would be uploaded to an internet server via my internal WiFi system and would always be accessible. I would also have an internal Google system that would allow me to search for any and all information that is picked up by my sensors.

My right eye would be a laser pointer. That way when people ask me what I am looking at I can turn it on and say "That."

My most important feature would be my retractable mustache. Little tiny holes just below my aroma sensor would allow illustrious black hairs to protrude and form a glorious mustache. The mustache can then be retracted when making out or attempting to look youthful.


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