Death Blog

Today I had to confront one of my greatest fears. I had to bring Jack Palance to the afterlife. I've been putting this off for about 20 years. He is one scary dude! I actually tried taking him about 15 years ago. I thought he was ready go after hearing him breathe. I approached him and told him it was his time to go. He just sneered at me, and then started doing one handed push ups. I've never been confronted like that. It really freaked me out and I just kind of slinked away.

But now, 15 years later, I finally manned up and finished the job. It wasn't easy. He was still freakishly strong and had a death stare that could melt butter. But I'm friggin' Death Baby! When I want someone dead I make them dead! And I don't take no shit from no one!

Okay, to be honest, I had to make a deal with him. He made me promise that when Billy Crystal dies, he gets to be the one to take him. At first I said no, because I've never let anyone else do my job. But then he took out a wooden match, struck it on his face, lit up a cigarrette, and then just stared at me. That scared the crap out of me. So I gave in. But I'm still going to consider this a victory. In your face Jack!