Monday, November 27, 2006

Lesser of Two Evils #1

Welcome to a new series on Nate is a Blog called "Lesser of Two Evils." In this series I will contemplate two evil activities and then decide which I would rather do. Enjoy.

Evil #1: Kill the last living koala bear with a cheese grater.

Evil #2: Give birth to a child that I know for a fact will successfully grow up to become the next Hitler and committ mass genocide.

Okay, let's get started. First we should talk about exactly how one goes about killing a koala bear with a cheese grater. You simply hold the furry little fellow down and run the cheese grater along his head until you have grated enough of his brains away to kill him. That's pretty awful. I'm not sure I could bring myself to pull the trigger of a rifle and kill an animal from 100 yards away, let alone do it point blank with a kitchen instrument.

So I guess I'll just have to condemn millions of innocent people to death. No one ever blames Hitler's parents for what he did. Then again, they didn't know Hitler was going to grow up to be...Hitler. If only I could have the evil baby and then kill it immediately! Or maybe I could have an abortion. Damn! I don't believe in abortion! I couldn't live with myself if I was responsible for the next Holocaust!

But, man! Those little Koala bears are so damned cute! They have those huge adorable eyes, and fluffy ears! And I am horrible with a cheese grater. The last time I tried using one, it took me almost two hours to grate a 2 inch block of cheese. Imagine how hard it would be to grate a living, struggling, extremely huggable creature. Not to mention it is the last of its kind! There might be a way to save the species! I can't let Koala's go down like that.

But then again, I would personally have to give birth to the Hitler baby. Just like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior, or like sea horses (maybe that's a plus!), I would have to shove this little demonic child out of my butt. That sounds really painful! On the other hand, if I kill a Koala bear, PETA will be all over me. They'll hound me and send me mean messages and send their topless celebrities after me...and...Okay, that's it. I know my answer. Koala bears are cute and all, but I am not giving birth to the 4th Reich.

If you would like to suggest a choice of two evil things for me to choose, please send your choices to .


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