I have been a very good girl this year. Please don't believe the tabloids and all the lies they are spreading about me. I have been busy bringing joy and happiness to the men of America all year long. And what do I get in return? A divorce. That's not fair. Talk about an unexpected turn of events, right?
Anyway, I wanted to tell you about a new charity that I started for the Christmas season. You know how they have Toys for Tots? The charity where people donate Toys to needy children? I'm not sure what Tater Tots have to do with it, but it does sound cute. Anyway, my charity is called Tits for Tots. It's a charity for child actresses who aren't talented enough to make it in the acting world on their own merit. I have gotten celebrities to donate new and used breast implants for these needy children. First of all, I think that definitely puts me on the Nice list. Second of all, I was wondering if you would donate to my cause. Do your elves make child sized breast implants? If not, are you interested in helping Mrs. Claus maximize her mammaries? If so, you know where to find me.
Sunday, December 03, 2006