Letter of Recommendation

Before letting me go, my boss told me I could write my own letter of recommendation for future employers and she would sign it. Here's what I submitted.

To Whom It May Concern:

Nate Smith worked for me for 2 years as my assistant. I am writing this letter of recommendation to confirm that his recent lay off from our company was not in any way related to his performance, and to highly recommend him as an employee for your organization.

Nate is a hard worker who gets tasks done accurately and on time. Nate has strong computer skills and is maybe the fastest typer I have ever seen. Nate also has incredible people skills. Also, Nate is a quick learner who takes direction well.

Furthermore, Nate smells good. I mean really good. I don't know what it is. I don't think it is a cologne of any sort, I think it is just his natural smell. Nate is also probably the strongest man in our company. You wouldn't know it just by looking at him, but I have seen him lift boxes that were way too heavy for him. He's like an ant!

I'm also pretty sure that Nate is a ninja master. I haven't seen him demonstrate any actual ninja skills, but I can't just tell by the way that he walks that he has some sort of martial arts skills. Also, one time a pen rolled off his desk and he caught it before it hit the ground. If that's not ninjastical, then I don't know what is.

I would also like to comment on Nate's good fashion sense. It can best be described by musician and poet, Jewel, who says he is "fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care." I would often ask him how long it took him to pick out his stunning outfits, and he would usually say, "Oh this, I didn't even realized it matched."

Finally, I would like to say that Nate is the best human being ever. There never has been, and there never will be a better person. EVER. That includes Jesus and Chuck Norris. Because essentially he is Jesus and Chuck Norris combined. He is Chuck Christ. So unless you are insecure and only hire people who are lesser than you, this is a no brainer. Hire Nate Smith or reap the whirlwind.