Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The Dictator Wears Prada

Never in America’s history could anyone have imagined that our greatest threat would be a man named Kim. But that time has come. Kim Jong III has the bomb and says it is “to die for.” It is the perfect way to accessorize your dictatorial government.

Now, Kim Jong has never been a fan of America. I think it’s mainly because he envies our shoes. We used to laugh at him. “Oh Kimee, you’re so adorable when you’re angry.” But now he has the Bomb, and it’s just not cute anymore. We need to take action. Military action would of course be the most logical option. Unfortunately, our military is busy doing something else right now. Here are several alternative options for handling this situation.

  1. Give him a starring role in a movie: He's always wanted to be in a Hollywood film, and if he's bombing in a movie, he won't feel the need to bomb America.
  2. Drop loads of oversized sunglasses all over North Korea: The man loves his oversized sunglasses, and if he's busy running around picking these shaded treasures up, he won't have time to push the button (Or pull the lever).
  3. Start a new Reality TV Show called "America's Next Toppled Regime": We don't have the means to fight real war with North Korea, but if Tyra Banks tells him he's out, what else can he do?
  4. Double Dog Dare him not to bomb us: That always works.
  5. We could all move to another country and not leave a forwarding address: I'm sorry, the country you have bombed is no longer occupied. Please hang up and try again.
  6. Hide his house Keys: I don't know about you, but I can't get anything done if I know my keys are missing.
  7. Download the Garden State Soundtrack onto his iPod: How can you launch a nuclear weapon while listening to the smooth stylings of Paul Simon?


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