Friday, April 06, 2007

Yo Yo Yo

Dear Rappers,
I am writing to you because I need some help in trend setting and you guys are clearly at the top of the trend setting game. Okay, here's what I want. I want you to start using nunchucks in your rap videos instead of guns. Nunchucks are so much cooler than guns, and the world needs to see that. You guys are the best way to bring nunchucks to the pop-culture forefront. Rappers are always making stupid things seem cool. Like Nelly wearing a band-aid for no reason. Or Snoop Dog saying phrases like "What's crack-a-lackin'?" Or pot.

But nunchucks aren't stupid! They're already really cool. So it would be even easier to convince other people that they should be carrying nunchucks around all the time. All you have to do is get some black people to start doing it, and then all the white people will copy it.

Just imagine Chingy slingin' rhymes while at the same time slingin' the 'chucks. That would make an amazing rap video. And every rapper could have his own nunchuck style. For instance, Busta would be 'chuckin' fast and furious. At the same time, Snoop Dog would barely be swinging his and would occasionally slap it against the chin of a bitch and/or ho.

And rapping about nunchucks would make for some great rhymes. Fill in this blank: "I be 'chuckin' while I be _____." I think you know what goes in that blank. The 'chucks could also create a whole slew of cool new slang terms. For instance, WTC? (What the Chuck?)

And, nunchucks are totally customizable! You can put all sorts of bling on your 'chucks. They could be covered in diamonds (I think you call that "ice"), or silver, or pure gold. You could also connect two microphones. The Three 6 Mafia could turn their Oscars in Oscarchucks! Or, if you really can't give up the idea of being "strapped" or carrying "heat," you could use a chain to connect two guns and create Gunchucks!

Look guys, it would be totally easy to get this trend started. Another great way to spread the word about nunchucks is to carry some with you into a night club. Just stick them in your pants so that they are slightly visible. The camera phones will be clickin' like crazy. "Did you see that? P Diddy is a chucker!"

Now, I know that nunchucks and rap have a bit of sordid past. The last time they were uttered in the same phrase was during the 2nd Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie in the Vanilla Ice Ninja Rap scene. Let's not let this hold us back. It's time to move forward. It's time to get 'chuckin'. Do you feel me?

White Guy


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