Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Stephen Colbert's Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,
Well, it's been kind of a weird year. First I get the greatest gift of all; my own TV show. Then I get the biggest lump of coal possible when the Democrats took control of the Senate and the House. What gives Santa? I always knew you were just a commercialistic A-Hole who simply lives and breathes to make the baby Jesus cry. First you crash his Birthday party and make it all about you, and now you are giving the Democrats an early Christmas. Thanks for nothing, Nick.

Well this year I am going to take the War on the War on Christmas one step further. Not only will I refuse to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas", when I pronounce "Christmas" I will no longer say "Chris mas". That sounds too much like I am honoring you, Kris Kringle. From now on I am going to be saying "Merry CHRIST-mas" and really emphasise the Christ. Because CHRIST-mas has nothing to do with you pal. You are nothing more than a liberal pine tree hugging hippy, spreading joy and gayness, to the far left. Oh sure, you wear all red, but you live in the North Pole so I am sure your blood is as blue as a smurf. Vanity Smurf. so this year, I don't care how many times you check up on me. I am not going to be nice to you. Santa Claus, you are dead to me.

-Stephen Colbert


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