I Have Financial Aids

So my wife and I decided (okay, just my wife decided) that we should meet with a financial advisor to make sure we were on the right track fiscally. We’ve got a mortgage, and a car payment, and my undying addiction to Mt. Dew to deal with, and we want to invest our money wisely so that some day we can stop living paycheck to paycheck. So we signed up to meet a financial advisor. Now, in our relationship, Ashley is the brains of the operation. I am...well really I am the ass of the operation. I’m not that smart, I sit around a lot, and I kind of smell bad. So Ashley controls all of our finances and she knows what’s up. That being said, she is not a monetary master, and the last time she met with a financial advisor, he made her feel like an idiot. The worst part is, at the end of the meeting he asked her, “Now, will your husband be joining us next time?” As if to assume I would have a better grasp of the situation. This really offends me. Do I look like the kind of guy who would know a lot about money?So today I am going with Ashley to meet this guy, and it is my goal to make it abundantly clear that I am not in any way helpful when having a financial conversation.

Here are 10 questions I plan on asking during my Financial advisory meeting.

1. Can you give me advice on how to get my face on the dollar bill?
   
2. I’ve been told I should put my money in a CD, but don’t you think music is going to be completely digital soon?
   
3. Should I buy Boardwalk?
   
4. If have more money than I can hold in my wallet, what’s another good place to keep my money?
   
5. I’ve been told that the Lottery is for entertainment purposes only and should not be used for investment, but it seems like a pretty good investment to me.
   
6. My Grandpa knew how to pull quarters out of my ear. Can you do that?
   
7. Should I be taking more advantage of that whole “Give a penny take a penny” thing?
   
8. People often say, “You have to spend money to make money.” I’ve been spending money like crazy. When does the making money part happen?
   
9. If I had a vault of coins like Scrooge McDuck, would I really be able to swim through it?
   
10. How much should I pay someone to give me financial advice?