NOOOO!!!!!!!

This is bad folks! Real bad. I just read today on CNN.com that a pipeline in Mexico was attacked by a left-wing guerrilla group leaving several major factories shutdown for the time being. Some of the factories shutdown by this fiasco are Hershey's, Kellogg's, Honda, and Nissan. NO! These are some of our tastiest foods and the companies that are the best at delivering those tasty foods. This is mayhem! We are at risk of a major chocolate shortage! Run to your local grocer and stock up as soon as possible! Pretty soon the chocolate prices will be through the roof! And then there will be buying and selling of chocolate on the black market and people killing for Kellogg's!

That's the first problem. But we have another problem as well. How have guerrillas learned how to attack pipelines!? This is worse than when Raptors learned how to open doors. Also, how did they become left-wing guerrillas? Are these primates watching The Daily Show? Have they been listening to Al Franken and Michael Moore?

I'm scared America. I don't know about you, but I am going to the store right away and buying as much Hershey's and Kellogg's products as possible and then going home and guerrilla proofing my house. You should too!