BTE!

I feel like such a fool for not thinking of this earlier, but this is quite possibly the Best Thing Ever! Mustchucks! How powerful would I be if I could grow nunchucks right on my face! Watch out evil-doers! Puberty has hit, and it hits hard!

WWJC?

Okay, I have to admit, I'm a little bit hung up on nunchucks right now. I think the best thing to do is to just get them out of my system. But you have to ask yourself, "What Would Jesus Chuck?"
Best Items to Turn into Nunchucks
1. Gunchucks: Good for close range and long range attacks.
2. Nun-Chucks: Actual nuns. To be used by Giants.
3. Stunchucks: Two tazers flying around can be pretty lethal. Just don't catch the wrong end.
4. Raptorchucks: Another weapon that only giants would be able to use, but man, they would be a clever girl.
5. Dungchucks: The only thing worse than getting hit by a nunchuck, is getting hit by a poopy nunchuck. "Ow that hurt! And I have poop on me!"
6. Chuck Norris' Legs-chucks: Chuck Norris' legs each have their own license to kill. If/when he dies, I hope he'll donate his body to crime fighting.
7. Handcuffchucks: If you are really strong, you can use these to grab one opponent, and then swing him around as your weapon.
8. Puppychucks: "Hey, look how cute those little puppies are-OH MY GOD THEY'RE FLYING RIGHT AT ME!"
9. Banana Cream Piechucks: The weapon of clowns.
10. Lightning Boltchucks: The weapon of gods.


Worst Items to Turn into Nunchucks
1. Hot Dog Bunchucks: These probably wouldn't last more than one hit and unfortunately they come 12 to a package while bad guys only come 8 to a package.
2. Starchucks: Two Frappuccinos chained to each other. You'll probably just end up scalding yourself.
3. Upchucks: I have a pretty weak stomach. If my nunchucks were covered in throw up, I'd be hurling all over the place. Actually, that might be pretty effective.
4. Vibratorchucks: It's not good when your weapon does more pleasure than pain. (These are also sometimes referred to as nunfucks.)
5. Pillowchucks: Only useful if you are at a cheerleader slumber party.

Blog Directory

Yo Yo Yo

Dear Rappers,
I am writing to you because I need some help in trend setting and you guys are clearly at the top of the trend setting game. Okay, here's what I want. I want you to start using nunchucks in your rap videos instead of guns. Nunchucks are so much cooler than guns, and the world needs to see that. You guys are the best way to bring nunchucks to the pop-culture forefront. Rappers are always making stupid things seem cool. Like Nelly wearing a band-aid for no reason. Or Snoop Dog saying phrases like "What's crack-a-lackin'?" Or pot.

But nunchucks aren't stupid! They're already really cool. So it would be even easier to convince other people that they should be carrying nunchucks around all the time. All you have to do is get some black people to start doing it, and then all the white people will copy it.

Just imagine Chingy slingin' rhymes while at the same time slingin' the 'chucks. That would make an amazing rap video. And every rapper could have his own nunchuck style. For instance, Busta would be 'chuckin' fast and furious. At the same time, Snoop Dog would barely be swinging his and would occasionally slap it against the chin of a bitch and/or ho.

And rapping about nunchucks would make for some great rhymes. Fill in this blank: "I be 'chuckin' while I be _____." I think you know what goes in that blank. The 'chucks could also create a whole slew of cool new slang terms. For instance, WTC? (What the Chuck?)

And, nunchucks are totally customizable! You can put all sorts of bling on your 'chucks. They could be covered in diamonds (I think you call that "ice"), or silver, or pure gold. You could also connect two microphones. The Three 6 Mafia could turn their Oscars in Oscarchucks! Or, if you really can't give up the idea of being "strapped" or carrying "heat," you could use a chain to connect two guns and create Gunchucks!

Look guys, it would be totally easy to get this trend started. Another great way to spread the word about nunchucks is to carry some with you into a night club. Just stick them in your pants so that they are slightly visible. The camera phones will be clickin' like crazy. "Did you see that? P Diddy is a chucker!"

Now, I know that nunchucks and rap have a bit of sordid past. The last time they were uttered in the same phrase was during the 2nd Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie in the Vanilla Ice Ninja Rap scene. Let's not let this hold us back. It's time to move forward. It's time to get 'chuckin'. Do you feel me?

Sincerely,
White Guy

The Adventures Of Nunchuck Nate

Nunchuck Nate is a super hero armed only with nunchucks and a fierce sense of justice. In this installment of The Adventures of Nunchuck Nate, our hero is pitted against the Evil Genius Nevins Manafe.

Nunchuck Nate VS The Evil Genius Nevins Manafe...

Nunchuck Nate was diligently working on his Nunchucking skills in the basement of his Parents' house when suddenly his beeper went off.

"The chuck signal!" Nate said as he lunged to the beeper. It was the Commissioner. He quickly sprinted up the stairs to call him back. His mom was on the phone.

"Mom, get off the phone, I have to save the world!" he yelled.

"Nate, I'm on the phone with Grandma," his mom replied.

"UGGH!" Nate exclaimed as he ran out the door to look for a payphone.

"Nate, you're not wearing any pants!!!" his mother yelled. Nate had no time for pants. Justice was expecting his call. As he ran down to the corner of the street, he came across a payphone. He reached into his pocket for some change, and then realized he didn't have any pockets because he wasn't wearing pants.

"Drat!" he exclaimed. Behind him was an elderly homeless man who had a cup full of spare change. Nate asked him for a quarter to make his call, but the old man refused.

"This is all the money I have in the world. I need it so I can buy some food tonight," whined the old man. Without hesitating, Nate nunchucked the old man in the head rendering him unconsious.

"Sorry old man, it's for justice." Nate grabbed a quarter and made his call. The Commissioner answered. "Commissioner, how may my nunchucks best serve the cause of justice today?"

"Nunchuck Nate, the Evil Genius Nevins Manafe has unleashed a fiendish plot to sieze control of the city by placing subliminal messages all over the signs and billboards in the city! You must stop him!"

"I'm on it. To the Chuck Bus!" Nate then ran around the corner to where the bus stop was and patiently waited for the bus to arrive. Before it got there, Nate realized he had no money for bus fare, and went back to the homeless man's cup and stole some more change for justice. The bus arrived and Nate asked the driver to take him to the Evil Genius Nevins Manafe's Secret Lair. The driver had no idea what Nate was talking about but told him he could not deviate from his normal route. Luckily for Nate, the secret lair was located only a few blocks from one of the bus stops. Nate jumped off the bus and headed towards the lair.

Once inside the lair Nate easily snuck past Nevins Manafe's henchman and made it to Nevins' main control room. There sat Nevins Manafe, one of the most brilliant evil minds of our time, in his giant swivel chair.

"Hello Nevins," Nate said boldly. Nevins spun around to face him.

"Ah, Nunchuck Nate. I've been expecting you. But I was expecting you to wear pants."

"Justice doesn't wait for pants, Nevins. And it doesn't put up with the likes of you. Let's go."

Nevins laughed maniacally. "What makes you think I will go that easily?" he asked.

"Because I have nunchucks. I guess you're not so smart after all," Nate said with a sneer.

"Nunchucks, eh? Well I have Monkeys with Katana Swords," Nevins retorted. "Release the Katana Monkeys!" A dutiful henchman opened the monkey cage and got out of the way. The 4 monkeys started to run at Nunchuck Nate and he took his defensive stance and started swinging his nunchucks. Before the monkeys got half way there 2 of them killed themselves with their own swords, one started humping the leg of a henchman, and one took a dump in the corner.

"We hadn't really completed their training process," Nevins said with regret. "That's a shame." Then Nevins darted out of the room and down the hall. Nate chased after him. Two henchmen tried to stop Nate and he easily nunchucked their heads off (literally). Down the hall Nevins ducked into a room and closed the door behind him. Nate caught up and tried to open the door but it was locked. Nate swiftly nunchucked the door knob off and kicked in the door. Inside, the room was full of children playing with toys. Nevins stood at the other end of the room.

"What is this? A daycare?" asked Nate.

"Yes. Most of my henchmen are single fathers who can't afford a nanny. I think it's important that we take care of our children. Afterall, they are our future."

"Wow, maybe you're not so evil after all," said Nate. But just then Nevins picked up a baby and threw it at Nate. Nate nunchucked the baby out of the way and charged at Nevins. But Nevins had already slipped out through another door. Down the hallway Nate chased Nevins. It was too late, Nevins had already entered his escape pod. As the pod began to take off Nevins let out another maniacal laugh.

"Until we meet again Nunchuck Nancy!"

"It's Nunchuck Nate!" he yelled as the Pod flew away.

While the Evil Genius Nevins Manafe had slipped his grips, justice had prevailed. Now that Nevins had fled to a secret hideaway, the city was able to restore all their signs and billboards. Nunchuck Nate's job was done. Justice had been served. And now he could put his pants on.

To learn more about Nevins Manafe go to his blog . Nevins is not evil, but he is a genius. He makes things like banners for people and trades them for odd things like this story. Here is what he made for me.

"If I Had Nunchucks" the video!

Here is the video version of a previous post called "If I had Nunchucks"