Nate is a Blog: Best Nate Smith Ever

If this site makes you laugh, and you wish it was updated more frequently, please donate to the Best Nate Smith Ever! using one of the options below.

"But Nate, why should I give you any money?"

Well, respected reader, I'd like to spend 40 hours a week working on this blog so that every time you visit you have something new to laugh at. But until I can make as much money from this as I do from my job, I can't convince my wife to let me quit my day job. So you can either donate a few bucks, or break up my marriage...but I really like my marriage.

To make a payment via check, money order, cash, or gold bars, please use the following mailing address:

Best Nate Smith Ever!

PO Box 426

West Linn, OR, 97068

Please make your checks payable to Nate Smith.

Don't have any money? Here are a list of 10 things I will take as donations instead of money.

1. Nunchucks

2. Any other ninja weapons

3. really cool notebooks

4. a job writing for a late night talk show.

5. high fives. (Please deliver this one in person)

6. Mike & Ikes

7. Mt. Dew

8. The name and contact information of a Nate Smith that you think I should challenge in the Best Nate Smith Ever! contest.

9. A real live Unicorn (no fakes will be accepted)

10. Something that I could easily sell for money.

That's right gang! The world's greatest competition is back! No, I'm not talking about American Gladiators, but yes that is back too and it is AWESOME! I love watching semi-fit 30 somethings having knee injuries in front of a live studio audience. But the contest I'm talking about is BEST NATE SMITH EVER! Many of you are familiar with this contest, but for those of you who are not, you might want to read Parts 1 through Death, which you can find on the right side of my blog under my list of "Best Nate is a Blogs Ever!"

It has been a long time since the last BNSE! contest. The reason for that is simple. Ninja Nate Smith. My life was threatened, and in order to prove that my life as a Nate Smith is better than other Nate Smiths, I have to actually have a life. But I have been called out. This Nate Smith here has contacted me via email. Before I go on, I want to say that while email is still a valid way to contact me, I'd really prefer to be contacted via my very own Nate Signal.

Now...let the brutality begin! When this Nate Smith first contacted me, he started off by telling me that he writes for a newspaper, which was pretty exciting. But things are not always as exciting as they seem. In his email he said "I write for the Washington Times" and I was like, "Woah!" But I continued reading that sentence and realized it said, "I write for the Washington Times-Herald" and I was like, "Oh...but that's still cool. I wonder where it's located." So I continued reading. "I write for the Washington Times-Herald in Washington" and I was like, "Jackpot!" But then I finished the sentence. "I write for the Washington Times-Herald in Washington Indiana." WTF!?!?! Saying that you write for the Washington Times-Herald in Washington Indiana, is like saying you went to the University of Miami in Ohio, which in turn is like saying you are serving Chicken of the Sea Tuna. There's no chicken in the sea, there's no Miami in Ohio, and there's no Washington in Indiana. And sure, you can get technical and say that all of these things actually do exist, but don't try to pass them off like they are a big deal. You know what, I actually write for a pretty big news organization as well. That's right. I am a writer for CNN.com...in their blogs section...as a freelance commenter.

And the deception continues. Big Shot Nate Smith goes on to say, "I have won one award." Ooh! Fancy! Wait, let's read the whole sentence. "I have won one award, a third place..." No, Big Shot Nate Smith, you did not win an award. You won a concession. He then goes on to say "I won a second place award..." Wait a minute! Which is it? Did you win one award or two awards? I guess this is the kind of journalistic integrity you can expect from a staff writer for an Indiana newspaper that tries to pretend it is the Washington Times.

That being said, I checked out Big Shot Nate Smith's newspaper at washtimesherald.com and it turns out they are pretty legit. The paper itself has a circulation of about 9,100 people on a daily basis, and just recently won first place for deadline news reporting for Division 4 Newspapers. Big Shot Nate Smith himself, won two more 2nd place awards for his writing this year. I on the other hand have this blog, which has a circulation of about 14 people on a weekly basis and has won no legitimate awards. When you look at it from that stand point, Big Shot Nate Smith seems like the clear choice for Best Nate Smith Ever! But...let's look at it from another stand point. Does he look as awesome as I do with a mustache?

No, clearly he does not. He looks ridiculous. Therefore, I am going to have to rule in favor of myself today. I am the Best Nate Smith Ever!

Now I realize there are about 9,100 in Indiana who might disagree with me. If you want to defend Big Shot Nate Smith's honor, I am willing to listen. Post a comment and state your case. There are two things you must do to catapult Big Shot Nate Smith to victory. One is present a picture of BSNS with a mustache that looks more awesome than I do. The other is for 1,000 Washington Times-Herald readers to visit this site.If you do both of these things, I will claim Big Shot Nate Smith as the Best Nate Smith Ever! Good luck!

For the 14 of you who are my regular readers, you can check out Big Shot Nate Smith's writing at this link here.

Best Nate Smith Ever! World Rankings

1. Ninja Nate Smith